Gorgeous Ponderings...

Thursday, June 12, 2008

This Ni**a part 6 (Stop making a FOOL of me!)

So we went on the date. I already knew before we left that it was not going to be a good day. I have been having issue with him not respecting my time. I believe if you tell someone you are going to do something you should do it. Anyway he was late and that just irked me because we have not been in a good place. So we walked around some local spots went to a few stores ate some food. But as I said it just did not feel right. It was really hot on Saturday so trying to stay hydrated and enjoy the day was a challenge in it self. We both get attitudes when it's hot!

So now we are at a cross road. Me trying not to react like I normally do and break up with him. We have done this so many times. But this is my last year! I am firm about that. I decided that 2008 would be the last year that I give of my time, my space, my kindness, my body etc. to this situation.

I will have truly and completely given and said all that I can. Part of me is sad because I struggle with when did I become this chick. I used to be really confident and would not take ish from anybody. But I guess in my journey and as I continued to end back up at the beginning of THIS. I became weak and now I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I have wasted all this time and may end up alone because I never let go of the past.

I told him that I know him and I know how he is. I was choosing to be involved with him again. But nobody wants to be mistreated. I felt him slipping away(acting different) after the issue a few weeks back.

I HATE that I love this man. Part of the problem is that I am too intuitive and I KNOW when he is acting a FOOL.

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