“It is never too late to be what you might have been.

In 30 days I officially make it to one year at my job. This realization hit me as I was reading the blessings of one of my favorite bloggers who lives and exemplary Christian life and whom you can SEE God's blessings. Catching up on what's been going on in her life prompted me to post. :)

I'm always happy for others and I smile when I read about all the great things happening, but at times I feel some kind of way when I think about me.

 I feel like I should be further in life and I think my layoff  really set me back.

I had to stop before I let that feeling even begin to set in and I remembered that I have much to be thankful for!

1. I found a position with lots of potential for growth.

2. I can move anywhere in the country and have this career and makes lots more money.

3. I'm respected on my job.

4. I just moved up and have a beautiful view of the city from my window.

5. I have a window. *\o/*

6. My supervisor is great and has my back.

7. I actually like what I do. most days

It really just rolls back to me. I personally want things to move faster, the growth to be now. The more money to be now. The catch up to be all the way caught up. I guess it's never too late...

But I think being satisfied and grateful is what I really need to be.

What about your friends?

This started on Twitter when I tweeted about seeing my ex bestie. I really need to get back to blogging and stop using Twitter for emo stuff. I actually hate that I'm blogging about emo stuff. Dah... well. Such is life.

I saw my ex bestie earlier this week.

She looked a pure dang mess.

I was actually shocked that I ran into her because we don't travel in the same circles anymore. Her dude has her completely cut off from who we know.

 But this post in NOT about HIM!

What struck me was her appearance.  I was heart broken and taken aback to see that she has lost most of her hair. She had long luxurious waist length hair and it is almost gone. She was also dressed really sloppy.

I tweeted  "I thought love is supposed to make you better?"

Well isn't it?

It was tragic to see her outside in the world looking so bad. This woman was so similar to me in that she loves nice things! We became friends because of a purse. We were having a casual conversation about designer purses, shoes and all things lovely. A few weeks later she was out shopping and called me to see if I wanted a Kate Spade purse because she found a sale.

I was shocked.

I said sure!

She bought me a purse ( A purse!!!)  and we were friends from then on.

That may sound superficial to y'all but it meant a lot to me because that's the kind of friend I am. If I'm out shopping and I see something I know you would like I buy it just cause.

What has struck me most about our chance meeting is my current sadness. When a friendship ends for whatever reason it may take me a minute to get over it, but when I'm over it that's usually it.

BUT...

I   am   still   sad   from   seeing   her.

Then  I realized today it's because

 I MISS my friend!

She was my confidant. I could tell her all my crazy thoughts and ideas and she would just listen and laugh.

I MISS that.

We traveled together.

I MISS that.

We went out to eat together and partied together.

 I MISS that.

I guess I'm not as hard as I want to be (or as Mia would say I'm soft baked.) I do miss people, I do need people and her absence from my life does matter to me.

Thanks for listening.

It's Sunday....

Happy Sunday Everybody!

I took a look on blogger and realized many people view the Sunday posts. Some posts have 0 comments but 250 views!! This makes me very happy! :)


I really do love God and I'm happy to be able to use this blog to share songs and scriptures about him.

*sings* All I am... is a nobody telling somebody about you... By nobody I mean just a regular person in this big ole world talkin' bout Jesus. LOL! Enjoy the song.

Success on a Saturday

I found this list in Pinterest and seems like its been around for awhile. Reading the first suggestion struck me. I live around and see so many unhappy people who are miserable because of who they married. Who knew choosing a mate is really one of the most important decisions?

A pastor once said people marry people for the wrong reasons everyday. Men marry their baby mama and become an instant family, but they never should have had a baby together. People marry their one night stand, but they never should have had sex. People marry folks who they don't even know and are surprised when it doesn't work out.  No offense to anyone if this is your story just my opinion : )

He said wait for your wife/husband and marry them, not just some random person you fall in like with.

The more I look around I realize making a superficial decision would be the biggest mistake of my life. I'm waiting for the man that LOVES ME and I love back!  I want to feel it and KNOW it in my spirit.The waiting is hard, but now that I see the repercussions. I'll wait.

This a great list! I think if we strive to follow the things listed all of our lives really will improve. How many of the listed do you know you already follow?

P.S. I don't know what these last two posts are about. I guess I'm in an enlightened, reflective place.

How old would YOU be if you didn't know how old you are?

 I don't want to be boxed in by your rules for my life!

Lately I've been really concerned about getting older... I don't want to be concerned. I had my life planned out and expected to have achieved certain things by now. You know... the regular stuff like husband, family, awesome career and extreme wealth. lol

I recently celebrated a birthday and here I go again evaluating what I don't have and being kinda sad about it, and I don't want to be sad! I usually take a day or two to wallow in my stuff, then I pull myself out and keep it moving, however sometimes... some things... linger...

One thing I stopped doing was telling people my age or my business. There is such pressure when people know your exact age and I don't like it! I want to do what I want to do, be how I want to be, and act how I want to act, be it childish or mature.

I don't want to be boxed in by your rules for my life!

Ask yourself, how old would YOU be if you didn't know how old you are? How would you be living your life?

I find that people label you and have expectations for YOUR life once they learn your age. As long as they don't KNOW your age and assume you are younger (because you look it) there's no problem. Once they learn the truth all of a sudden you can't act a certain way, dress a certain way, etc. So I find it easier to just not to say.

Society, family and friends get us so bogged down with what we should do be doing by 20's, and 30's.  Succumbing to these expectations get people so messed up.

I don't want to be boxed in by your rules for my life!

I look around and see so many unhappy people because they are living their lives by others expectations of them and I NEVER want that to be me again. I used to be so concerned about what my family thought of me and tried to be so perfect. It's exhausting being perfect! Now, I just want to stay happy and be fly doing me!

I have such hope and expectation for 2012... well ... I have such hope for every year but most of all I'm really just trying to accept God's timing for my life and to be ready when the things I desire happen.

...and I won't be

and to answer the question forever 28!

THE AFTERMATH

CONCLUSION
So to recap... I confronted and gave Talky an example of how she spoke to me and she told me that she didn't say it nasty and loud like that. I told her she did! Then she fake apologized.  She was frazzled. She definitely didn't expect me to pop back through that door that fast. I said Uh uh (no) and walked out.

While I was out she went to the Manager over the department...

and TOLD on me!

So after all that loud talking and posturing this heffa TOLD! 

 

When I got back I saw she had left the chairs all askew and my desk papers all disheveled. Itchin for a beat down! That’s when I went to the supervisor. I could see we were about to have a REAL problem! Her name officially changed from Talky to GHETTO BIRD! The supervisor is the one who told me what the Ghetto Bird had done. The supervisor wanted me to go to the Manager and tell her my side so I did. 

The bird’s story must have been EPIC because the Manager was looking at me like I was crazy!! She said my recap of the event was completely different than what the GB said, and asked the supervisor did she witness it. This made me angrier because the Manager seemed to be on the GB side.

The Manager suggested we all meet so she could hear both sides. I readily agreed because after what happened I wanted a chance to hear what that Ghetto Bird had said about me and I told the Manager that I do not want to work my final days in a hostile work environment over something so petty.

So I waited all day for the meeting and it Never Happened! The rest of the day was uncomfortable. You could feel the tension and they all kept flocking together.  Ugh!
I seriously considered ending my contract at the end of the day. And now I consider the manager a liar too.

Fast Forward...

So today the Ghetto Bird didn’t even come to work. It would be great if she stayed gone until I'm done.

I asked Twitter, "does that make me look like the bad person or her look guilty?" What do y’all think?  

I prayed really hard this morning just for the strength to go in. It was so hard to go, but I did. I was so NOT feeling it. This incident turned what was an easy breezy contract into something silly and uncomfortable. I Thank God for the peace of today!!

You wouldn't believe how quiet it was! Full Force was there GB bird buddy, but she left and I never saw her I only heard her briefly.

I don't want this bird to mess up my money. I have to wait and see how tomorrow is because I'm really not here for the drama! I just have a few days left and I would like for them to be calm.

Keeping it REAL in the Nine Quad

Remember when people used to say that or was that just a Cali thing? Anywhoo, I thought it was so stupid because the radio station used to say it and this dude I know used to say it too. Anyway, today I'm keeping it real in 2012 because I feel like sharing.

I flipped out today. 

I'm mad at myself about it too. *sigh*

First, I need to update y'all on my goings on. I like money. period. point. blank. and  I'm ready to do some BIG things with it. So an opportunity presented itself for me to make some quick money on a brief contract in a school district and I took it.

Anyway, the district they have me in has quite a few African Americans. Don't get me wrong, I love my people but some of us in the workplace have yet to learn professionalism. I pride myself on being a consummate professional in my work environments. From day one I made a few observations about my co-workers and concluded that some for lack of a better word are GHETTO! If you follow me on Twitter then you know I've mentioned Talky and this chick with a V-cut Jeri-curl (she hasn't received real a nickname yet but I have called her Full Force.)

Me and really ghetto chicks really ghetto chicks and I didn't sound right DO NOT MIX!  My appearance, height and cutesy voice misconstrue my perception.

They get it twisted! AND eventually test my gangsta!

Talky told me her whole life story within my first 7 hours of working with her, then a few days later she told me she broke up with her boyfriend and proceeded to give me the unsolicited details of that drama so that's why I named her Talky. I decided the best way to deal with her was to be cordial and listen.

That was a mistake.

People like Talky sometimes mistake kindness for weakness (which is why I usually ignore "ghetto birds") and tend to take advantage. Last week I returned from lunch and Talky proceeds to "go off" on me because of something that happened while I was at lunch.

A. It was her fault and

B. It was HER fault.

It had nothing to do with me, but she needed somebody to be mad at so I had barely walked in the door before Talky started her spiel. I looked at her and said, "I don't care." she said, "Well while your here blah blah blah "

I looked at her with the blankest face ever and was silent.

because if I had said what I wanted to say to her I would have had to leave that day. Anyway, since that exchange she has been short with me which is cool cuz now I don't have to listen to her talk.

This leads me to today. Today I was not in the mood. Since I've been in the dept. she somehow got it in her head that I'm some underling

I'm not.

So today instead of politely asking me to do something she came up to me and in the ghetto-est tone Ever! she basically ordered me to do it. This made me so angry, I got up and walked out. As I was walking, I had the biggest anger knot in my stomach and I had almost made it to my car when I stopped mid-step

pivoted

went back into the office and..

WENT OFF! 

I asked her what her problem was, told her I didn't like her tone or how she came/comes at me and I had had enough! She was caught off guard...

~TO BE CONTINUED

Valentine's Day 2012

Hey Y'all,

Happy Valentine's Day!

This year I have a much better out look on this holiday. This year I'm making plans to get out there and see what I can see.  This year I'm dating and giving men a real chance. It took me this long to fully get theCaptain out of my system. And that's okay!

Speaking of theCaptain,(click his name and you can get an idea of how crazy our entanglement was.) his solicitations for sex have been hilarious. For the first time ever I've ignored him and I'm proud of me for no go backs. *pats self on back* I know I'm ready for love again!

My other little rebound dalliances have been just that.. dalliances and I'm okay with that too. I know what I want.

I'm ready to open up my heart again.

Wish me luck! :)

Better yet pray that God sends me a man that will love me, care for me and be able to receive all this love I have for him, and we take this love thang to marriage!

Wishing you all the happiest Valentine's Day ever. I hope all your dreams come true too. :)


Sidebar: Nordstrom's idea of a HEART STOPPING Valentine's day? Yes please! to anything on the page.

Let's revisit Christmas one mo gan

A couple of years ago my cousin was feeling really generous and decided to buy everyone Christmas gifts. My aunt was so proud of her. This particular cousin is a taker. She lives a really wonderful affluent life but she is the type that always gets gifts and expects good gifts but NEVER gives. So her actually buying somebody else something was a BIG deal. 

On Christmas day these beautifully (and I mean BEAUTIFUL) gift wrapped boxes sat under my aunts tree until after Christmas dinner. Everyone was so excited to see what my cousin had gotten them. All she had talked about was that it was something we could use and something that we would definitely enjoy. This peaked my interest only slightly.  I KNOW this girl she’s cheap and selfish sooooo…… umm....yeah… 

Back to the story.  

The big day arrived. We had eaten dinner and my Aunt started handing out her gifts like she does every year and then we each have our turn.  My cousin’s turn rolled around and she started handing out her gifts. She wanted everybody to open the gift at the same time so we did. And this is what we received.

This was my face

My pair was brown because she knows I like neutrals.

Then my face was this

Then this

I couldn't help it. She had to be joking right? This was a gag gift right? 


IT WASN'T!

Are you kidding me? She bought us all some shoes at the beauty supply store?? THE BEAUTY SUPPLY!!!! Those shoes would probably tear up after one wearing. I've seen some hood chicks flip flopping around in them, but I personally wouldn’t be caught wearing a pair EVER! I think they would make my feet itch like I have athletes foot. LOL! My aunt told me, “well you could’ve worn them as house-shoes.” No ma’am!

 ________________

I didn't do a Holiday TT Seen and Heard so I have to share this gem with y'all here. Just WHY????????

In My Ears.....

 Recently somebody (K Rock )said I was "so Cali" because of a song. The first song actually. That cracked me up! I guess  I am Cali. I think Too Short's  music slaps. I throw up West side as needed, and if necessary I will Crip walk on you! LOL! Here's a few joints that are decidedly Cali and specifically Bay! Yeeeee( bay yell) See how I got all Bay on y'all. LOL!

Accent Challenge Cali Style via Tumblr

Click HERE and this link will take you to my Tumblr where I did the Accent Challenge Cali Style. It's funny to record you own voice. If I have an accent I don't know where it's from.....well yeah I do the SIP!! LOL!

CHURCH DUDE!!!!!

So I re-connected with a man I knew from church when I was in my teens. That’s why I call him Church Dude we were teens growing up in the same church. My friends hate that I call him that, but that's what he is a church dude! LOL! We saw each other at a birthday party for a mutual friend last October. The party was SO much fun. We danced and laughed and had a really good time that night and it didn’t hurt that I was gorgeous of course LOL! I was still in the process of ending with the Capt. so I didn’t really put to much weight on the encounter and chalked it up to a night of fun, but he had asked for my number when I arrived and my friend made me give it to him I gave it to him before I left. When I knew church dude before he was always very into me. Smiling in my face all the time and very complimentary, a teenage crush. I however, could care less and was NOT interested. Probably a mistake on my part because my aunt always told  me to like the one that likes you not the one you like. I'm finally heeding that advice!

He started calling and turns out he has a great personality. He’s very funny! Ha! Ha! I love to laugh and he makes me laugh, smile and giggle a lot. I was/am still working through my feelings about other dude and don’t want to hurt Church Dude so we are taking it really slow. Just talking, and getting to know each other again. He has a bit of baggage so I have to be sure with him before we take this further.

Another thing is he’s not my typical type per se...but it’s time for me to step away from my type and try something different. I liked thuggish types. I think it’s ridiculous to be attracted to that type of man and not even be a hoodrat! I said I'm not! lol I’m more of a superficial, snobby, bourgie chick with hoodrat tendencies. LOL! Most of the types I’m attracted to don't believe I really like them because we are so mismatched.

Ahhh...but church dude is such a refreshing change. He is treating me the way I’m supposed to be treated. He’s a refined man and treats me like a lady and stuff  LOL! The attraction for me is he is a big man! Big enough for me to sit on like a chair! I like that. I need to feel safe and he makes me feel that way. He also loves God and I like him.*PRESSES LIKE BUTTON* I’m not sure where this is going but so far it’s going………….*smile*

I have to be honest...

I think today is going to suck! I have tried to put on a brave face, but every time I think about it I feel all panicky and sad. I mentioned  that getting through the holidays was rough and it was, but as Valentine's Day approached I've gotten more and more anxious.

I don't want to hang out with friends, I don't want to hang out with my sister, and I don't want to hang out with some dude I just met. V-day is special. It always has been to me. I like dressing in red, be it a red dress, a red blouse or a pop of red from my shoes. I always wear something red on that day. I liked waiting for what the day would bring. I like going to dinner at a nice restaurant and being out with all the other couples in love. I like shopping for lingerie. I like the attention. So yeah this Valentine's Day is going to suck! NOT! LOL!

HAPPY STORY ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
One of the best Valentine's Day I ever had started with theCaptain bringing me gifts to my job. I'm at work minding my own business, working. We had already spoken earlier that morning and I was seeing him that night. So around 10:00 am he called me again and said come outside. I was like okay. I came out, looked around and didn't see anything. Then I hear the roar of his work truck as it was coming around the corner. I look and he is hanging off the side of the truck with my flowers in one hand and hanging on with the other. He jumps off the truck before it comes to  a complete stop grinning and all pleased with himself.

He starts walking toward me in his work uniform, all fresh cut, shaved looking and smelling so good! He really surprised me! I could not stop smiling and laughing and clapping like a dang seal.

I wish this seal was smiling. LOL!

As he is walking up to me... I ran up to him and hugged and hugged him and then we kissed. It was so romantic and special. Very "Officer and a Gentleman." and Pretty Womanish

I saw these movies and have been in love with the final scenes ever since. I'm not sure if we saw them together, but I was shocked that he fulfilled this secret fantasy for me. He brought flowers, a teddy bear, candy and a card. That V-day we didn't go out to a restaurant. I wanted to cook for him! He had spent so much, and had made my LIFE!!! at the time. I even told him, "you made my life today!"

That Valentine's Day will always be a very special memory for me. With a little tiny bit of sadness in my heart, I am also smiling at the memory as I type this.

But with faith I hold on to the FACT that my love for this day will not be in vain. I WILL be able to share another Happy Valentine's Day story. P.S. This is my last woe is me story about THIS!

I wish all of you a Very Happy Valentine's Day  : )

A Romantic Walk...sort of

It's date night and our regular routine is dinner and a movie or just dinner or just the movie. TheCaptain surprised me tonight with a romantic walk around the Lake.

It was a bit breezy but still nice. We sat a bit and looked at the bright lights of the city. We only saw two crazy people.

One was talking to his basket full of items as we walked the outer path which is closer to the street, the other one was walking along the inner path closer to the water, and he kept saying "Come on b***h!", "Come on b***h!", We kept looking for the woman, but he was alone.O_O

TheCaptain was laughing, but he pulled me to him and said Come on girl, and we walked a little faster so we could get away from that fool. LOL!!! Overall it was a cool night! Smooches to theCaptain for mixing it up!

GP the early years

When I was in  the seventh grade, we were studying the Roman Empire in history and were assigned a diorama project. For my project I decided I would sculpt from clay a replica of the coliseum. I had never sculpted before a day in my life.

My mother and I went to the crafts store and she purchased me a large block of clay. 

In my lofty imagination I truly believed I would be able to sculpt a masterpiece. On Thursday night the project was due that Friday I set out on my task of molding the clay into the shape of the coliseum.

So I’m kneading and rolling this clay in my hands trying to make it soft. My hands were so tired!

I had no idea what I was doing. I really should have started this process earlier and maybe I would have made more progress. On Friday morning I took my project into history class with no shame.

I had previously copied a picture from the encyclopedia of what my project should look like and attached it to the front of my board. As I looked around I saw that there were all types of really good projects from kids who did weeks of preparation. Then I looked at mine. Can you see this with a picture of a coliseum in front of it???

This is what it could have looked like.

Clearly I needed more people. where were these guys when I was sculpting???? Oh yeah sperm. All I can say is my very,very, very generous teacher gave me a C- for effort because nobody else did a coliseum neither did I or used clay Whew!